Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Rough week...

I can't say this post is the happiest or the most exciting, but it is our life. Ryan was sick with a head cold, and a cough earlier this week. I have a bit of a cold that I am fighting off. We both are so swamped with homework it is ridiculous. Sunday night I went to bed at 3:30am and then got up at 6 am for school to take an exam. (I have not slept a full 8 hours since Landon was born.)

Our week has not gotten any better... The army has not been so friendly to its lower enlisted this week. Ryan has worked late every night. Last night, I did not see him until 8 pm; mind you, he went into work at 5 am. The weather here is so cold when the wind blows, poor thing was freezing while he worked outside on Monday; so I blame the Army that he got sick!

Tonight we got the joy of hanging out with our best friends' baby girl who is 3 months old... She is such a beauty and so wonderful. This made both of us realize that no matter what it takes, we are going to have another baby. God really made both of us with such hearts for children. (This was a huge attraction for me when we were *just friends... what girl doesn't love a guy who wants kids!) Ryan was of course 'the baby hog' and held on to the princess for the entire time. I am okay with this though, because it gave me a chance to do more homework and see what an amazing man I married. He even gave her 2 bottles :)

I know some people say it, but I truly mean it... Ryan is my other half. Through every single trial we have ever had, he has stood right by my side. When the army held him over for two months in Oklahoma, when I was puking because I was pregnant and when we found out that Landon had gone to heaven; he was right there and never left me. He is the most amazing person I know. He is so strong, sweet and truly has the best heart. You will never find a sweeter man. He will give the shirt off his back for someone and would give anything for Me, Landon or Sasha. I am so blessed to be married to HIM and not have to go through all this pain and heartache alone.

This week has been rough on us both but has brought us closer. I know that we CAN make it through anything and that having another baby or two will be in our future whenever God blesses us. I already knew it, but this week has affirmed that I truly married the man of my dreams. He is the prince charming I always wanted... strong, faithful, loving and hopeful.

*We are taking life day by day and counting our blessings along the way.*

Friday, December 9, 2011

2 weeks later...

INFANT LOSS RIBBON

Well it has been two weeks since Landon was born. We have had a lot of support and friends/family offer to do anything for us. For that, I say thank you for everything yal have done for us. I have been asked a few questions about everything and thought I might clarify (I am an open book, so please if you have a question, just ask it)...

1. Yes, I was put into labor just like any other girl and had to go through the heart wrenching pain of labor and not having my Landon at the end to take home.
2. We did get to hold him and see him. He truly was beautiful and even had dimples!! (Oh how I love Ryan and Landon's dimples. They truly make my heart melt!!)
3. The Doctor told us that most of the time they do not know why it happened. Second trimester fetal demise has a 57% of us never finding out why or what happened that made Landon's heart stop beating.
4. One in Four women experience an infant loss, we have found out that many of our close friends and army family have experienced losing a baby. We morn their loss but have found their stories inspirational.
5. The future: Yes, we plan on having 2 more babies. We plan on trying as soon as possible. We will never forget our first born little 5 inch long bundle of joy in heaven, but we certainly want to experience the greatness of being pregnant again.

We have a good hours and bad hours... the Army has been great and gave Ryan off last week (they did not take any of our leave time!!). This was a great help for us. We are realizing that the Army won't always be amazing but they do take care of their own. We have a military family here. They have made us food, brought me flowers and just checked in on us. We truly love them just as we love our blood family.

Ryan and I both got tattoos this week. Mine is on my left ankle on the inside and Ryan's is on his left arm, on the inside of his bicep. We both wanted something to outwardly show our love for Landon. We understand that not everyone shares the same thoughts about this action, but we just ask that you understand this is what we decided to do. I love our tattoos and feel such love and warmth when I see them.

We always have and always will love you Landon
xoxo,
Mommy & Daddy

Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Angel Baby Landon Ryan Brown

The worst news I have ever heard...

Friday night November 25th 2011, I woke up with a nightmare about my precious baby boy. I woke Ryan up and told him I had a bad dream about Landon. It was that we were at the doctor and they told us that he had no heartbeat. Ryan comforted me and we went back to sleep.

Saturday November 26th 2011, was a check up day for us. The military treatment facility here at Fort Bragg, Womack, tries to give you one Saturday appointment so that the soldier can go with you. This was an ultrasound appointment for us and it happened not as we expected. The rules at Womack state that they first take the mother back to get pictures of the baby then they bring the father back. They took me back and the nurse just did not seem right to me. She then went and got Ryan and made us wait for what seemed a lifetime. The radiologist came in with the nurse and told us that our baby had a fetal demise. I asked what that means and he said that he had no heartbeat.

From there we went upstairs to Labor and Delivery. There they performed another ultrasound and told us that Landon was no longer with us. From there, we came home and decided that we would take care of everything on Monday. But once we got home, it was just too hard. We decided to go to the hospital the next day. We let all of our family and friends know what we found out. My parents decided that they wanted to be here for us, so they drove all night Saturday night to get here.

Sunday November 27th 2011, we went in the hospital at 0600. They performed another ultrasound and told us for the third time that there was no movement and no heartbeat. They also told us that the heart cambers had collapsed and that this meant he had been gone for a bit...

I was admitted and given some tablets to make me go into labor. They called it an 'induction'... that word still sinks my heart. I would never wish that upon the worst person I know. From there, I had cramps and the worst pain all over my body that I have ever felt. It was a heart wrenching 12 hours.

Then at 7:45 pm, Landon Ryan Brown was born. He was born at 5 inches long, weighing 3 pounds, 1 oz. He is beautiful and so tiny. He truly is the most gorgeous Angel I have ever seen. He is our 'Baby Angel'.

He will never be forgotten and I ask that you never forget him. We will always tell everyone about him and he is our first born. Please do not feel weird to mention his name around me or to talk about him to me. He will always have a stocking hung at Christmas, a birthday balloon release November 27th and we will always be his mommy and daddy. Our future kids will know that they have an amazing Baby Angel Brother in heaven. I was told by a good army sister that "He was just to perfect for this world" and that is what I firmly believe.

After giving birth to Landon, we were told that my placenta was still attached to my uterous wall. They gave me lots of medicine to see if it would pass, but it would not. About 1 am, Monday November 28th, I was taken into surgery. I received a spinal block, twilight anesthesia and they were able to take care of removing  the attached placenta. The doctor was amazing and so very good to me. I lost quite a bit of blood during surgery, 5 - 6 pints and the normal is about 3 - 4 pints. I was released Monday November 28th, about 8:30 to come home.

Current status update:

I am quite white, from all the blood loss and very swollen all over. I am taking things day by day and sometimes, hour by hour. Things are going okay one moment, then other moments I am laughing, and I am sometimes crying because I miss Landon so much.

I ask that you please keep us in your prayers. The next few months and even years will be hard and even horrible at times. We will survive this hard time together and we will have more children in the future. We are keeping ourselves busy and holding onto family and friends. Thank you for every prayer, email, text and good thought that all of you have sent our way. We appreciate the love.

<3
Always in our hearts <3 Landon Ryan Brown <3 November 27th 2011

Saturday, November 5, 2011

And his name will be...Landon Ryan Brown

I have to first off apologize because it HAS been a little bit since I posted. To catch you all up, we went on vacation to Tennessee, found out we are having a baby boy and decided to move on base in January!

Today, we got maternity pictures done at JCPenny's. They were so cheap to do and I seriously encourage any military family to use them because they give you so much stuff for such little money. We loved them and thought they did a wonderful job!







Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Got a bump!

Well the past few weeks for us have been crazy... but to be honest, I am not sure we know what normal is anymore. :) The army keeps both of us busy. I am now holding 2 positions in our FRG (Family Rediness Group)and Ryan and I are both going full time to school.

Ryan got a promotion in the Army!!! We are so proud of him (Me, Baby Brown and Sasha Bell). He truly works so hard to put a roof over our head and food on the table. He has made us so proud with all his accomplishments and continues to strive for the next rank.

I officially have a baby bump... and we have had so many friends that ask to see pictures, that I decided to post one! We are so excited about this new journey and can't wait to find out if it is a girl or boy. I am taking it easier these days and resting more. The baby is growing and we are both great according to the doctors!

Well that is all the updates I have for now.

We are taking life day by day and counting our blessings along the way.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Exciting Times

This past week was a very memorable one... August 18th marked one year that Ryan has been in the Army. He is now an E3 and is working hard on school to get his degree. It is still a bit away but once he finishes that degree, he will go to the Army boards to become an Officer. The picture below is the last one we took before he left for basic.

Now, a year later we are loving our Army Life. This picture brings back so many memories, as we were only married 10 days before Ryan shipped off to basic. It is bitter sweet thinking of how far Ryan has come and how proud of him I am.

This week is bringing new and exciting things for us. Thursday is our first 'baby appointment'. We are so excited for this experience. For all that are wondering, here are a few baby things we have decided on:

1) I am excited to say I have not had any morning sickness! (Knock on wood! lol)
2) We will be finding out the gender of our baby! We both can't wait to find out.
3) We have the name picked out for a girl and for a boy but we are not telling anyone until we find out what the baby's gender is :)

We promise to keep you all updated on everything. We are so excited to have this little blessing on the way!

We are taking life day by day and counting our blessings along the way!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Next comes love, then comes marriage...

The past couple weeks have been crazy but fun. I have been super tired lately and not had a lot of energy but pushed on. 2 weekends ago it was my birthday, this past weekend was our one year anniversary and this week.... We found out we will be expecting our first baby April 19th 2012!!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Crazy life....but a good one!

The past week has been a bit crazy for the Brown Family. Last weekend we went to VA for a family reunion and saw my parents, Granny and Papa. We really needed the time away from Fort Bragg. It was nice to be normal for a few days. In saying that I know I need to explain for the non-Army what I mean...

Ryan works 12 hour days. He is up at 4:45 and home by 5:15. When he is home though, he is often receiving phone calls or texts about work. Everywhere we go, we see soldiers and end up talking about the Army a lot. The Army is our life... not his life, but ours. I am the one doing laundry, cleaning house, paying bills, cooking meals and taking care of pretty much everything here. I have heard from a few people, "why don't you just ask Ryan to cook?" If I were to wait for Ryan to cook our dinner after he is home, it would be 7 at night before we ever ate. :) Plus, this is how we like our life. I handle it here, and he keeps me safe. Ryan will be the first to say that we are an Army family, when he signed up, it was both of us that would be having our worlds change.

So in saying that, it was nice to be with my Momma, Dad, Granny and Papa who made us relax and forget all the worries of life in the Army for a few days. Sometimes, we just need a break and a get away to be with family. We even got to shoot some with my Dad and Papa. This was a treat for both us because we very rarely get to shoot with them. It was nice to relax and learn somethings too.

Speaking of Ryan's crazy soldier life... He left the house at 2 am this morning for a 20K 'ruck march.' This means that he hiked in the woods for 12.5 miles in full uniform (helmet, boots, long pants, long sleeves). He carried with him his gun, water pack and a huge ruck sack that had 35 pounds of equipment in it. I am proud to say that he did a fabulous job and finished it before his time limit! Over half of his unit did not complete it in the time allowed or were hurt because it was such a rough ruck march. I am so proud to have such a strong soldier!

I have been working on finishing up my classes for this semester. This weekend I will be turning 23 and I do not want to do a bit of homework on my birthday. I have already registered for my next semester, in which I will be taking 21 credit hours (5 classes). We sure have a hectic life, but you know... we love it.

We are taking life day by day and counting our blessings along the way!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

NO deployment

We got word this morning that it looks like Ryan will not be deploying. They have enough people for their launcher crews. But, as with everything with the army, this is not guaranteed. So it could change again... but we are going with what we have been told.

It seems like I should know better with the Army, not to plan anything... not even a deployment!! We know this deployment was in God's hands from the beginning so we are continuing to say our prayers and trust Him.

We are living day by day and counting our blessings along the way.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Deployment

Yes, you read the title right. You might want to be sitting down before you read this entry...

We received word on Friday that Ryan will be deploying in a few months. He will be going to Afghanistan. That is about all the news we have at this point. I have had quite a few questions from our family members about it though and I figured you might be wondering the same things:

1. Will I be moving back to Ohio: No, I will be staying here. This is our home and where our support system is at. If I move, I would loose contact with the people who have the most contact with my husband while he is over there. This is just what works best for us and our family.
2. Information: I will NOT be able to post information about dates, locations or addresses. If anyone is wanting to send Ryan something while he is gone such as a card or a box of goodies, you can send it to our house and I will send it over. We are not able to give out any information like that to anyone! I WILL be able to post when I hear from him that he is okay and safe. The army does not kid around about people knowing information. We have a thing here called OPSEC, it means in short, that my husband can get in HUGE trouble if I would post or tell someone something about location, time, dates or missions. It is for the safety of my husband and his unit that I will only be able to give limited information.
3. How long will he be gone: He will be gone longer than 6 months but less than 12 months. :)
4. What will he be doing over there: Ryan will be doing the job that he trained for at Fort Sill... Rockets!
5. How are we all doing and handling the news: We are doing okay. We knew this would come eventually because we made the decision about a month ago that this would be a career for him. This is what he loves and I love being an Army Wife. So this life works great for us :)

That is the majority of the questions we have been asked by family and friends. We ask that you keep us and Ryan especially in your prayers. These months are going to fly bye and he will be in the sand before we know it. So we are enjoying our time together until then.

We are taking life day by day and counting our blessings along the way :)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

New pages in our book of life

I have been contemplating doing a blog for quite awhile now. Our lives are crazy-busy and there is always something going on. I figure that this way, everyone can stay 'in the loop' with our family. Speaking of 'in the loop' I should probably catch everyone up on what has been going on!

This past weekend we watched the 4th of July fireworks with some amazing new friends on base. The fireworks are not even close to what we see at Red, White and Boom; but they will suffice. It was still nice to see fireworks and be with my soldier. I was surrounded by my amazing and wonderful Army Family. There was a mix of people there; army wives with husbands and kids and even a pregnant wife with a deployed husband. It made me so thankful that God's plan for Ryan is to be here with me, at least for today.

I say 'today' because things in the Army change in a heartbeat. We have learned to live day by day and count our blessings along the way. It may be a rough life at times but we truly love it.

Update on my life: I am going to school full time to earn my second degree! I am going to have an Associates in Interpreting in American Sign Language as of January 2012. Now I know I am not the normal student, but I have loved the journey it has been. I finished my Bachelors in Communication at Ohio University in 3 1/2 years. I will be completing my Associates degree in a little less than 1 year. Ryan tells me I am on the fast track.  I have such a heart for Deaf people and can't wait to be an Interpreter.

Update on Ryan: Ryan works 12 hour days but still has not become a morning person like myself. I keep telling him the Army is going to make him one. Today he is playing with rockets. Yes, you read that right... and he is loving every minute of it too! He is doing great in the Army and our goal is that he will 'go airborne' before Christmas. For those of you that do not know military terms, bare with me... I forget how much we use these terms on a daily basis. Being 'airborne' would mean that he goes to school for 3 weeks in Georgia then come back to Fort Bragg and gets to jump out of planes. (That is the simplest explanation!) This has always been Ryan's dream, since he was little. Being airborne is a pretty sweet thing to be in the Army. It is very 'wanted' by all soldiers.

Update on Us: This week is 11 months that we have been married. HOLY COW!!! Neither of us can believe it has been that long. We made a trip to Gigi's Cupcakes in Raleigh to celebrate. Below is pictured 3 cupcakes we got. They are huge and so yummy!!!!! We enjoyed them and will be going back sometime.


I think that catches you up on The Brown Family... except for Sasha Bell of course. She is loving North Carolina but loves the air conditioning more. She does love her morning walks out before it gets super hot though. She turned 5 in May but we still consider her the best pup in the world! She will always be my "baby" no matter how old she gets! Dogs truly are man's (woman's) best friend!